I was stuck in court all morning today on three pretrials, and while I was waiting for my cases to be called, the clerk decided to hear the traffic tickets.
I love watching traffic tickets, because it’s like a trip to the Basement of Warehouse 23. You seriously never know what’s going to happen. Mostly it’s quite pedestrian–people fail to appear, or stammer ineloquently when the cop shows up and they have to have a hearing. Still, if you watch them long enough, you see the most strange and wonderful things. Two examples from today are recounted below, ending with the one that gave this post its title.
Respect Your Elders
The first ticket that caught my attention today was a grizzled old man, probably in his eighties, who was appealing a ticket for running a stop sign. This man was a champion pro se lawyer–probably from decades of being on the witness stand–he’s a retired cop. After the officer read her 11-month-old police report, lying (as they always do) that she still remembers what happened, he took the opportunity to cross-examine her. His first question: can you tell me the weather and lighting conditions when you pulled me over? She didn’t remember the weather, but told the court it must have been light out because it was 9:30 AM. He directed the Court’s attention to the spot on the ticket that listed the time as 21:30–or 9:30 in the evening. After this firm blow to the officer’s credibility, he explained to the Court that he has lived on that very street for 40 years, and that his then-fiancee was personally responsible for that stop sign existing. She had petitioned the city to have it installed after she was involved in a traffic accident there where somebody died. This was very traumatic for all involved, and she wanted to make the intersection safter. This man has been stopping at the same stop sign for 40 years. The judge found him not responsible–how could she not, when he was so passionate, so deeply involved with this stop sign? And twice her age, to boot!
Amazing Things Happen When You Tell the Truth
After Mr. stop sign collected his “not responsible” and went on his way, a young man came up on a charge of having excess tint on his windows. The trooper claimed that he had measured the tint at 70%, and the man swore that it was only the factory tint on his windows, that they were not nearly so dark, etc etc. He said that he had his car here today, if the trooper would like to recheck it. The trooper said that he had his tint meter here today, and the judge let them go outside for a do-over.
When they came back, the trooper reported that the tint is in fact legal today, but that it was definitely darker when he wrote the ticket. He noted that the man had three tickets for the same thing inside of a year. The following exchange ensued:*
THE COURT: Did you fix the tint?
Defendant: No
THE COURT: Are you sure you didn’t fix the tint?
Defendant: No, really, it was always like that!
THE COURT: Seriously, buddy, you fixed the tint
Defendant: [says something unintelligible and apparently nonresponsive]
THE COURT: [chuckles] That’s not what I asked. Let’s try this one more time. My question to you, under oath is, did you fix the tint?
Defendant: [laughs, shrugs] Yeah, okay, I fixed the tint
THE COURT: You see, amazing things happen when you tell the truth. And I’m going to give you a break, because you told the truth [writes something, and hands it to the clerk.]
The Clerk: Alright sir, you’re found Not Responsible. Here’s a copy for your records.
THE COURT: Because you told the truth.
*This is a rough account of the exchange, but not guaranteed perfectly accurate.
Here’s the caveat: in criminal court, amazing and wonderful things do not often happen when you tell the truth. Usually the amazing and wonderful things happen, if at all, when you keep your mouth shut and follow your attorney’s advice.
Posted by AndyCowan on April 8th, 2009 :: Filed under
Judicial Pearls of WisdomTags ::
almost but not quite entirely unlike law,
CMVI,
overheard in court,
Things that are funny